An apology letter to you

Dear Close Personal Friends, 

I was supposed to update this week with the REAL IMPORTANT stats for Marco Jaric and Sebastian Telfair but I couldn’t. As a matter of fact, there was a lot of stuff that I was supposed to do this week that I didn’t. And do you know why? I’ll tell you why. Because of Corey Brewer’s baby afro.

 

It’s awesome. It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. One night I had a dream that Corey Brewer’s awesome baby afro came over to my house and downloaded highlight videos of Corey Brewer in college to my Ipod. When I woke up there were highlight videos of Corey Brewer in college on my Ipod. True story.

corey.jpg

Corey Brewer’s awesome baby afro consumes every minute of my day. I want to divorce my wife and move to Paris with it. I sprinkle salt on all of my meals and pretend like it’s tiny pieces of Corey Brewer’s awesome baby afro. I went to the barbershop by my house, collected about a bag of cut hair, and made my own custom baby afro. 

I want to rent a kayak and spend a peaceful afternoon at the lake with it. I want to high-five it after a hard fought victory and I want to console it after a crushing Game One Playoff loss. I want to have a serious argument with it and then 2 hours later casually rub it’s feet and look into it’s eyes as my way of apologizing. I want to introduce it to my parents. I want to take it for long rides through the country side during the summer. I want to look at puppies through a pet store window with it. I want to go to a Janet Jackson concert and then get jealous when I feel like it’s looking a little to intently at Janet. I want to talk to it on the phone for six hours and then playfully argue about who should hang up first. I want to send it an e-card. I want to give it a birthday present and then have my feelings get hurt when I don’t think it liked what I gave it. I want to make a custom c.d. for it with nothing but reggaeton songs on it. Quite frankly, I love it and I love it, hard.

 

Here’s the latest intel on Corey Brewer’s awesome baby afro. Corey Brewer’s awesome baby afro:  

  • can type 73 words a minute.
  • threw for 295 yards and 4 touchdowns in it’s high school state championship game.
  • always pays it’s bills on time.
  • once ate 12 pepperoni hot pockets just because.
  • knows it’s DiGiorno, not delivery. And it thinks you’re stupid if you can’t tell the difference.
  • thinks Karate Kid part 3 is way better than Karate Kid part 2 but concedes that Karate Kid part 1 is easily the best of the three.
  • knows the names of all four of the chicks from the t.v. show Sex and the City. Why? Because it had sex with all of them. At the same time.
  • always has exact change.
  • has a higher basketball I.Q. than Gerald Green.
  • thought Chad Johnson’s first touchdown celebration was kinda lame.
  • always makes frozen pizzas just right.
  • got a perfect score on the SAT’s even though it only drew a duck on the first three pages.
  • always has thoughtful gift bags for it’s guests when it throws a dinner party.
  • is credited with having coined the rebuttal "after while, crocodile" to the once indefensible, "see you later, alligator."

I am unofficially giving Corey Brewer the nickname C-baba (Corey Brewer’s awesome baby afro). It’s probably the worst nickname I have ever heard but it’s easier to type (and say). Bye.

introducingliston@gmail.com

p.s. make sure you are reading the stuff posted on here by Wolf, DeROK, Sonia, and the rest of the team. They are much better writers and write actual news about the Timberwolves.

TWolves Blog Staff

About TWolves Blog Staff

Former writers for TwolvesBlog.com

Quantcast