Timberwolves training camp opens in Mankato today, with the first preseason games less than two weeks away. It all seems to be happening so suddenly, and there’s no doubt that today will be a whirlwind for everyone involved with the team.
David Kahn, of course, thinks of everything, which is why I’m sure he’s scripted today down to the last minute. Below, we take a look at our best guess, as to today’s schedule.
8:00 – Breakfast! (Donuts available for everyone but Al Jefferson, who will only be allowed to eat knee-strengthening foods.)
8:15 – Team introductions. Everyone new to the franchise must stand and sing an embarassing song, chosen by a Wolves Veterans Committee consisting entirely of Ryan Gomes.
9:00 – Though we probably won’t be done singing by now, Gomes will have run out of songs, and so we’ll probably cut this activity off here.
9:00 – All team members must stand in a circle holding hands, and be able to correctly name all of his teammates, going around to the circle to the left. Anyone who fails this exercise must run extra.
9:15 – (This space left blank to allow for running.)
9:30 – First practice. First chance for Kurt Rambis to put his stamp on a young team. (Plenty of time will be allowed for goggle practice and mustache instructions.)
11:30 – Time for a fun team activity! Whole team will be playing musical chairs in center of court. Should be good for some laughs! (First three players out will be traded before the end of practice.)
12:00 – Charity three-point shootout (NOTE TO MEDIA: Given this year’s team, the three-point shootout will be conducted about eleven feet from the basket, in the hopes of crowning a winner before dinnertime.)
12:30 – On your own. Please use this time to rest up, or to call Mark Blount and Antonio Daniels, ask how the job search is going, laugh into the phone, and hang up.
2:30 – Second practice. Players will sit in a semicircle around Rambis, as the coach tells stories beginning with, “This one time, Phil Jackson…” (It was great in Rambis’s interview, trust us.)
4:30 – Another charity event: Team spelling bee! First player to correctly spell both “Oleg Pecherov” and “Aleksandar Pavlovic” wins. Extra credit for accent marks.
5:15 – Dinner. Players on their own after this. Feel free to get out and sample Mankato’s nightlife! There is the Applebee’s… and…uh…
OTHER NOTES FOR TEAM PERSONNEL:
- If you are punched by Bill Laimbeer, please stop by HR to fill out form 38-A, “I Just Got Punched By Bill Laimbeer, Now What?”
- Please give Jonny Flynn compliments at every opportunity. (We are hoping this will raise his self-esteem, and then later, his physical height.)
- If Brian Cardinal wears a piece of Purdue apparel, you are contractually required to call him “Kneepads.”
- We will be running a “Guess How Old Jason Hart Is” contest throughout the day. Submit your guess to any assistant coach.