Today I’d like to present to you all a special contribution from one of our valued forum members, “Bonk.” As some of you may or may not know, he and I have had season tickets for a few years now and attend most home games together. Anyways, during this time we’ve gotten to know many “personalities” in and around the Target Center quite well. There have been some games where we’ve gotten exponentially more enjoyment from some of the people on this list than from the actual game itself. Without further ado, I present to you:
Bonk’s Top Ten People to Watch at Target Center
10. “Hoopman” – Kids love him, CW & I hate him, he’s the ever-entertaining/obnoxious “HoopMan”. You know, the dude who walks around with a basket on his back and gets the crowd to cheer louder for him than the actual game. He is especially entertaining when he cups his ears or puts his fingers by his mouth to make a “let’s hear you whistle” gesture. As TWB forum member “Pants” said: “@#$%ing Hoop guy…His demeanor kills me… a combination of cool nonchalantness while being very serious about selecting who he throws the ball to based on their cheering”. Yes, I am glad to know that College Wolf & I aren’t the only ones who think Hoopman views himself as a little too cool and important.
To find out the rest of the Target Center Top 10, click “Read More” to continue…
9. “Candace Parker” (second from left in picture above) – It is hard to fathom that the WNBA MVP and widely renowned “best female basketball player on the planet” frequents the games of none other than the hapless Timberwolves, and is married to none other than the gameless Sheldon Williams, but these are true stories, and for that alone she makes the list. She is now our most famous fan.
8. “Natalie/Mike” (three and four from left)– These are the Wolves P.R. people, or whatever you call them. Many people refer to Mike as “Wally” because he looks a lot like Mr. Szczerbiak. I refer to him as “Meathead Mike” because he consistently gets a little too amped up for the t-shirt toss, which always ends with him chucking the last shirt as far as he can; exposing his midriff as he wildly throws his whole body into it, and just missing the upper deck. And Natalie is um… attractive.
7. “Media Section, Press Row #2” (BR second from right) – Myles Brown, Britt Robson, Stephen Litel, Benjamin Polk, Steve Aschburner – These are my favorite Wolves writers to read, and I know a few of them personally. They all generally sit next to each other in row 2, and I enjoy watching them yuck it up during the games.
6. “Senile Cotton Candy Guy” – This guy makes me roar with laughter almost every time I see him. He’s probably like 70, but he looks like he’s 105. He has this thing where he is always sticking his tongue out as he walks up the stairs, much like a snake. The dude is wacky.
5. “Sebastian Telfair’s Wife” (far left) – Because she is beautiful.
4. “Bill Beise aka ‘Superfan’ aka ‘Coach'” (far right) – You all know him, the guy that kneels courtside the entire game, banging away on the court with his program. Enough said.
3. “Enthusiastic Mini-Donut Guy” – This dude is great. Baby face, dirty mustache, always pumped up. He’s often singing or dancing to the music, conversating with randoms in the crowd, and just doing strange things. He’s a fun, optimistic, happy dude. He also has a trademark where we shakes the donuts up before giving them to the patron.
2. “Mike Miller’s Brother” – This guy pretty much always just looks wrecked. And he wears more rings than Bill Russell. And he does weird things. And he looks like an unemployed Mike Miller would look.
1. “SILENT ABABU” (front and center, should be obvious) – I can’t bump him from the top spot. Even though we are friends and I do sit by him occasionally, he is still constant entertainment from a bird’s eye view. He is extremely social, especially considering he is a deaf mute. He is hilarious and entertaining. He is charismatic. He yelps and hisses. He messes with people all the time. He wears XXXL shirts and dress pants. He picked up on College Wolf & my 10-tiered handshake faster than any of our other pals have, and now likes to do it with us. He is the man.
Honorable Mentions: Glen Taylor & wife, Homeless Pepsi Vender Guy, Gomes’ wife, a guy CW & I call “Juelz”, Foye’s woman, Sid Hartmann, and Snow Cone Vender Guy Who Looks Like a Snow Cone.