NBA Jam – And The Winner Is…


And the Winner Is…

The NBA’s first season has concluded, and the real season starts this weekend.  With that being said, it was an entertaining and fun NBA season.  As my esteemed colleagues and I are all Wolves fans, please excuse us if we seem negative or antagonizeable (screw you spell check, I’m saying it is a word).  It has been a painfully looong season for some of us.  But, we will try to eliminate the pathetic Wolves from our minds, and focus on the stars and success stories from this stanza.   Before I introduce the participants, here are some things I enjoyed immensely in the 09-10 season:  Joakim Noah, the Zach Randolph resurrection, the continued fantasy agony of Nellieball and the Golden State Warriors, Brandon Jennings’ hairdo’s, NOT the dunk contest, Kenny making fun of Charles’ weird chest hair, Wolves in-game announcer Natalie Kane, Jo Noah’s hair, Ginobili’s streaks of brilliance, Turbo aka Corey Brewer’s dunks, Jeff Van Gundy, Kevin Harlan and Mike Tirico, NOT Hubie Brown, Rondo, gambling on the NBA w/ College Wolf, TNT Thursday’s, the Oklahoma City Thunder, and Jo Noah’s sideburns.

Now on to the picks!  I am very excited to share the forum with my distinguished panel of party animals and Wolves fanatics.  We have The Don – College Wolf, the controversial Roundhouse, and the man known simply as Pants.  Don’t let these foolish names fool you – these guys know their stuff.  Now onto the Lebron James award…

Please click “Read More” for the rest of the weekly NBA Jam goodness and awards…




1 – Lebron (40 pts – unanimous #1)  As College Wolf states:  “This should clearly be a clean sweep.  Anyone that puts someone else first is just being obnoxious.”  True that.  And I have heard rumors that some idiot in the media said he didn’t vote King James #1 because he sat out the last week of the season?!  Unacceptable.  That man should be stripped of his vote in the future.

2 – The Durantula  (28 pts – unanimous #2)  Pants offers an interesting and true perspective:  “Given that 90% of national games in the last 4 years involve one of Lebron, Dwight Howard, Kobe Bryant, KG or Carmelo, it is great having a new guy to appreciate.”  This is a nice point.  It was hard for me to fathom that KD was really the 2nd best player in the league already this year.  Then I finally got to see him play on TV twice in the past two weeks.  And he is THAT good.

3 – D. Wade (10 pts)  All three of the other contributing members to this panel had similar sentiments regarding Wade.  Basically, the Heat are horrid without him.  “With the exception of Lebron, nobody means more to his team than Wade does. The Heat would be truly awful without him.” – Roundhouse.  “Has anyone else in the NBA done more with less this season?” – College Wolf.  “Would that team be worse than the Wolves without him?”  -Pants

4T – Melo (9)  The Melo Man was my MVP runner up for much of the season.  His strength and power make him a nearly unstoppable offensive threat.  And he gets extra bonus points for housing the beautiful Lala Vasquez.

4T – Kobe (9)  Although no one on the panel seems to like Kobe Bryant the person, his skills are undeniable.  Despite my negative feelings toward him, he is probably my favorite player to watch other than Lebron and Rondo.

6 – Dwight Howard (8)  I was the one that neglected him from my top 5.  To me, he is not an elite offensive threat, and the five guys above him clearly are.


Rookie Of The Year:

1 – Ty Evans (16 pts)  As College Wolf puts it, “Total, complete stud.  Averaged 20/5/5 as a rookie, rarified air with MJ, Oscar, and Lebron.”  Pants chimes in “That was a terribly consistent rookie year.  Would anyone take a different play #1 if they redrafted?”  I say no, although The KAHNman would still make a case for Jonny Flynn. 

2 –Brandon Jennings (14)  The panel was split on this decision, with both Roundhouse and I giving Jennings the ROY nod.  Roundhouse states why:  “Evans and Curry have put up bigger numbers, but Jennings gets the top spot for being the starting PG and key part of an overachieving playoff team. His defense is underrated as well.” Voters tend to have short memories, as evidenced by several people now mentioning Steph Curry’s name over Brandon Jennings.  I am a big Curry guy, but his numbers are inflated due to Nellie ball, and Jennings had a way greater impact on his team and the whole league in general.

3 – Steph Curry (6)  All I know is that by getting him for only $8 in our $200 Western Conference Only High-Stakes Keeper Basketball Auction League I definitely got the steal of the draft.  I could not believe I heisted him for that amount in October, and my enthusiasm continually grew as the season wore on.



Coach Of The Year:

1 – Scott Skiles (16)   Mr. Skiles was my pick for coach of the year too, and College Wolf sums it up well:  “I guarantee no one in a million, billion years had the Bucks winning over 40 games this season and making the playoffs.  And they’ve dealt with injuries.  And their defense is TOUGH.  Bravo Mr. Skiles.”

2 – Scott Brooks (10)  As Pants shows, the Wolves are never too far from our hearts:  “His good young players keep getting consistently better.  As Wolves fans we know that doesn’t just happen.”

3 – Jerry Sloan (9)  The fact that Jerry Sloan, one of the best 5 coaches of the past 25 years (joining Phil, Pop, Larry Brown, Pat Riley), has never won Coach of the Year award is just obscene.  Pants makes his case by explaining: “Too much credence is given to the coach who turns around a bad team or has the very best team over the years.  It’s his time.  How often do guys like the two (above) have good years, win this award only to have something go wrong two years later and be on the chopping block.  It seem like a legitimate coach of the year should be quitting on his own terms (at least shortly their after).”

Honorable Mention:  Nate McMillan (1), Rick Adelman, Alvin Gentry

Defensive Player of the Year:


1 – Dwight Howard (20 points, unanimous #1) –  I will let College Wolf and his man-crush do the talking:  “Led the league in rebounding and blocks.  Eats small children for lunch.”

2 – Josh Smith (7)  Roundhouse makes a very compelling case for J-Smoove:  “One of my favorite players, I love how unique and versatile he is. He’s 3rd in the league in blocks, 11th in steals (every player in front of him is a guard), and 18th in rebounds.”

3T – Rajon Rondo (3)  Don’t blame the dip in the Celtics defense on Rondo – he defends and grabs steals and boards as well as any guard in the league.  Blame KG’s knees, Rasheed Worthlesses’ lovehandles, and Big Baby Davis’ C cups.

3T – Thabo Sefolosha (3)  According to Roundhouse, Thabo is “The best 1-on-1 perimeter defender in the league.”

Honorable Mention:  Lebron James (1), Joakim Noah (1), Gerald Wallace (1)




All NBA 1st Team:

G – Deron Williams (16 pts)  I always thought D-Will was MY guy, but two of the other members of the panel had him on the 1st team.  He is still overlooked by many as one of the very top point guards in the league.

G – Dwayne Wade (16)  Stud.

F – Lebron James (20 – unanimous)  SuperStud.

F – Kevin Durant (20 – unanimous)  SkinnyStud.

C – Dwight Howard (20 – unanimous)  MeatheadStud.

2nd Team:

G – Steve Nash (9)  I had Nash on my 1st team, but College Wolf, with his defensive-minded voting failed to include him on the 1st or 2nd team.

G – Kobe Bryant (10)  Once again, College Wolf’s disdain for him influenced the final numbers.

F – Carmelo Anthony (12)  We all had him on our All-NBA Second Team.

F – Dirk Nowitzki (13)  He received two 1st team votes.

C – Chris Bosh (10)  Although he is a forward, I gave him the “center” spot, as his overall vote totals were noticeably higher than any of the 3rd teamers.  He is the only non-playoff contributor to make the list.

All NBA 3rd Team:

G – Rajon Rondo (3)  Rondo was undeniably the MVP of this year’s Celtics.  If you would have told me that two years ago I would have thought you were really, really high.

G – Joe Johnson/Brandon Roy (1)  Both are underappreciated leaders of playoff teams and quiet assassins.

F – Tim Duncan (6)  Timmy continues to do work in his typical ho-hum fashion.

F – Amare Stoudamire (4)  He may have the biggest ego in the league of anyone not named Kobe, but his game is on point.

C – Andrew Bogut (4)  Who would have ever thought The Aussie would be on this list before the season started?

With the big awards out of the way, the panel gets their chance to speak on some other important awards:

Most Disappointing Timberwolf:

BonK – Ramon Sessions – Could the Timberwolves’ biggest free agent signing in the last five years have had less of an impact?  Seriously.  If he didn’t miss key free throws in the clutch I wouldn’t even notice he is out on the court.

Pants – Kevin Love – I’d feel a hell of a lot better about this team it had one guy I was sure was good.  Kevin came back from his injury like a man possessed.  He was the best rebounder in the NBA, hitting threes, and the team was way more competitive.  Then January came and his minutes dropped and it seemed like his heart just wasn’t in fighting the good fight while losing.  He isn’t mentally cut out for being on a horrible team.  It’ll take a miracle for next year to be when he (and the team) breaks out.

Roundhouse – Corey Brewer…just kidding! For me, it’s a tie between Jonny Flynn & Ryan Hollins. I was never on board with the whole Jonny Flynn thing, but I didn’t think he’d be this bad. The only areas that he excels in are ballhogging and dribbling the air out of the ball. As for Hollins, well, he’s one of the most useless NBA players I’ve ever seen. The guy is crazy athletic and 7 feet tall but yet can’t get a stinking rebound! Nor can he shoot, play defense, or do anything associated with the game of basketball.


College Wolf – Everyone except Corey Brewer and Ryan Gomes (super STUD).

2009 T-Wolf Alum MVP:

BonK – Craig Smith – The Rhino put in averages of 8 points and 4 boards per game in only 16 minutes of play, with an efficient shooting percentage of 57%.  CSmeezy continues to flourish as a backup forward in this league, despite no one believing in him.  And yes, I am still bitter that we gave him and Bassy Telfair (my two favorite Wolves a year ago) up for Mark Blount’s lifeless body and expressionless face.

College Wolf – Mike Miller – This was almost nearly by default. Plus, he has been putting up huge stats now that he’s basically one of the only 3 options in DC (go figure.) And really, whom else?  Foye? (Barf) Booth, Bobby Brown, Madsen, and McCants (OoLS – Out of League Suckas) Jason Collins, Shellhead Williams, or Kevin Ollie? (Hahahahahaha)

Pants – Sebastian Telfair – Well since everyone else was horrible I’m giving this based on one good game while Lebron was sitting.   Mike Miller contributed the most stats to the most games.  But in CLASSIC Miller form he waited until the Wizards season was 6 feet under before contributing anything. I find his 2nd half numbers more annoying than if he wasn’t playing at all. 

Roundhouse’s All-NBA Worst Team:

C: Rasheed Wallace – This video clip is Sheed’s value to the Celtics in a nutshell. He is the least valuable player in the league. What makes things even worse is they owe him $13 million over the next 2 seasons. Ouch. 

PF: Charlie VillanuevaJoe Dumars probably deserves this spot for throwing boatloads of cash at him in the 1st place, but just because he got paid doesn’t mean he has to mail in the season.  

SF: Hedo Turkoglu – He’s underperfomed in every way possible. His contract is going to hurt the Raptors for a long, long time. He was seen out and about at the clubs in Toronto on a night in which he didn’t play because he was “sick.” 

SG: Tracy McGradyMike D’antoni‘s offense has helped countless players look much better than they really are and inflate their stats. Unfortunately for T-Mac, he’s looking as bad as ever. 

PG: Gilbert Arenas – This one is pretty self explanatory.

I would personally like to add Dick Jefferson to this team as the sixth man.  His numbers dipped more than Tiger Woods’ standards this year.  My fantasy team hates you, Dick.

And Finally…

In my previous two articles, I posted updates on my epic NBA Survivor season-long battle with College Wolf, BigBoy, and others.  So I suppose I must notify you all of the final results.  Obviously by the way I am typing, I did not win.  Let’s just say that my strategy to hide some studs to sneak in at the end of the season backfired badly.  I finally started Kobe last Thursday night when the Lakers played Denver.  Thanks, Phil Jackson, for not announcing his “injury” ahead of time.  I also missed out on the likes of Tony Parker, Andrew Bynum, and others.  But alas, College Wolf won fair and square, and continued his lifetime undefeated streak of NBA Survivor dominance.  Here are the final standings:


(CW Editor’s Note: I am sooooo amazing!!!!)

College Wolf 4,419
BonK 4,369
BigBoy 4,304
Crazy Carl 4,258
H-BomB 4,183

There is plenty of playoff excitement ahead!  Look for some 1st round thoughts from yours truly coming soon… have a good weekend, and keep it sexy.

– BonK

College Wolf

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