Round 1 of the TWB NBA Draft Lottery Mascot Challenge was a CWeat-tastic success! We now up the stakes as last week’s winners face off against each other for a shot at the Sweet 16. There will be humor, surprises, and fights to the death! What are you waiting for? Let’s vote!
Round 2, Part 1 can be found HERE.
MacGyver vs. Pinky & The Brain vs. Dwight Schrute
Well looky what we’ve got here… another Triple Threat Match! The minute Dwight Schrute heard about this battle for world domination, he contacted us and forced his way into the brackets. And really, how could we not oblige him? Have you ever talked to that man on the phone before? He’s convincing. Hell, I even bought 25 reams of paper. Don’t underestimate the always diabolical Pinky and The Brain either. You never know that they’ve concocted for advancement to the Sweet 16. Looks like MacGyver is the world’s only hope here…
To view the rest of the bracket and vote, please click “Read More!”
Borat vs. The Channel 4 News Team
Class vs. Ass in this starry showdown. Can Borat continue his run? Or will the Newsteam run a train railroad him? If you’re not careful, Borat will do your sister. I’m Ron Burgundy?
The Stay Pufft Marshmallow Man vs. Bert & Ernie
Destroyer of Cities vs. the Worlds first Bro-mance. Bert and Ernie are going to have to summon all the collective dude-power they’ve got, because Stay Pufft is one fat mother*&!$#@ Personally, I don’t see how anyone can stop a 50 foot tall Marshmallow Man, because he’ll just sit on them. On the other hand, maybe we need to summon The ‘Toine and Oliver Miller to eat him. Good luck Bert & Ernier, you’re going to need to summon your utmost Bro-manticism here. Maybe they can hug him to death.
Chunk From “Goonies” vs. Nadia From “American Pie”
The odds for Nadia have got to be stacked here. I mean, smoking hot foreign high-school exchange student, vs. an overweight fatty little fat fat kid, that may or may not have a medical issue with his belly button? Hmmm…
Wolverine vs. Freaky Pig Creature
Gahhhhhh my eyes! What is that thing!?! More importantly, how the @#()*$ did it advance to Round 2!?! It looks like a Down Syndrome Pig mated with a Gorilla that may or may not have had FAS. Whatever the hell it is, I don’t think it is any match for the world’s most fearsome superhero. Then again, I could be wrong. Look at those teeth.
The Japanese Softball Team vs. Fat Spiderman
Boobs vs. a grossly overweight dude. Do I need to even “analyze” this one? On the other hand, these are both quite similar. Like the sun, you can’t stop staring at those gigantic sweater monkeys. And like the sun, if Fat Spiderman were to take off that suit, I guarantee you wouldn’t be able to stop staring at that either...
Joakim Noah’s Dance Moves vs. KFC Double Down Burger vs. Kool-Aid Man
Another Triple Threat Match! It’s only fair to have a TTM for each region, being that the other three were represented. And with that said, I just don’t see how the new, cool, retro Kool-Aid Man has a chance here. Joakim’s Dance Moves are epiclly awesome and hilariously stupid at the same time, whilst the Double Down Burger is simply a gift from God. Kool-Aid Man has his work cut out for him here. And let this blow your mind: if Baked Man KG Fan were to share his weed stash with you, it’s not unlikely that you’d be dancing like Joakim while eating multiple Double Down Burgers and seeing visions of the Kool-Aid Man floating in your head. So chew on that for a while. OH YEAH.
Homesless Guy #2 vs. Baked Man KG Fan
Not to take the easy route here, but this is no contest. Let’s let Roundhouse’s description of Baked Man KG Fan from Round 1 do all the talking. This was one of the funniest and most accurate representations of BMKGF that I’ve ever read:
I have to start off by saying that’s not an actual picture of TWB forum poster Baked Man KG Fan, it’s a picture of rapper Raekwon. We don’t actually know what Baked Man looks like, so I just imagine he looks something like this. Baked Man is sort of an enigma. All we really know about him is:
1. He likes to get baked
2. He’s a man
3. He’s a KG fan
4. He’s a Wolves fan
5. He loves rap
Baked Man swoops into the forums late at night and drops some Wolves knowledge on us, usually while spitting out 16 bars in the process and telling us what songs he’s listening to at the time. His posts are the stuff of legend and it’s a rare treat to visit the forums and discover that Baked Man has made a post or two. He may be back in a week, a month, a year, or never. You just never know when the next time it will be that he sneaks in like a stoned ninja for one of his late night visits. Up against Baked Man KG Fan, is a legend in it’s own right: The Jolly Green Giant. All I gotta say is The Jolly Green Giant better watch his back, because Baked Man just might roll him up and smoke him.