The time has come to crown the Official NBA Draft Lottery Mascot for our beloved Minnesota Timberwolves. Some of the candidates for the Wolves draft lottery didn’t fall into the Athlete, Celebrity, or Movie/TV Character regions, so we created a region of complete randomness where the most zany of nominees will face off. If you thought the matchups of the Celebrity & Athlete regions were crazy, you ain’t seen nothing yet! Day 3 of the 64 contestant tournament will be the 16 members of our Random Region. We’ll give a brief description of each matchup followed by a poll where you can vote on who should move on to the second round. Here we go!
The Celebrity Region can be found HERE.
The Athlete Region can be found HERE.
Wolverine vs. Apache Longbow Helicopter
The first matchup features one of the most badass fighting machines of the comic book world up against one of the most badass fighting machines of the real world. The adamantium that flows through Wolverine’s vains makes him nearly indestructible. But the key word there is nearly. We’ll see if he can sink his claws in and take down the most advanced technology that modern battlefield warfare has to offer.
Please click “Read More” below to see the rest of the Random Region matchups
The Elephant Man vs. The Piglet Monster
I bet The Elephant Man never thought anything would ever challenge him for his Freakiest Creature On Earth heavyweight belt. That is, until TWB reader cassius sent in a picture of whatever this thing is. It appears to be a pig…maybe. I kind of like the little fella. When I say like, what I really mean is that I’d pay a dollar at the circus to see it. It’s too bad The Elephant Man never had one of these as a pet.
The Japanese Softball Team vs. A Bottle of Rolling Rock
It really is a shame that these two candidates have to face off against each other. It saddens me to have to vote for one over the other. I can’t think of anything better than drinking that bottle of Rolling Rock while watching the Japanese softball team. But alas, only one of these worthy opponents can move on to the 2nd round.
Mr. Freeze vs. Fat Spiderman
Here you have a battle of good vs. evil. Batman nemesis Mr. Freeze up against a clearly out of shape Spiderman. Hey don’t count out Fat Spidey, if he threatened to take off his spidey suit, it would have even the most ruthless villain shielding his eyes. Maybe these guys can team up, because if Spidey ever wants to get back into tip-top crimefighting shape again, who better to give him workout tips than the Governator himself.
Joakim Noah’s Dance Moves vs. Mike Beasley’s Bag of Weed
Here we have a classic showdown of things that are both stupid and ridiculously funny at the same time. Postgame interview? Who needs one! After Florida won the national championship, Joakim Noah decided to bust out some crazy dance moves instead. As for Beasley, well he decided he wanted to show off his new “Supercool Beas” tattoo (Lol @ such a stupid tattoo) on Twitter and in the process posted a picture of his sack of weed. Yep, sitting right next to that bottle of 7UP, is Beasley’s bag of weed. Which move makes for a more worthy lottery mascot? You be the judge.
KFC Double Down Sandwich vs. Stop-n-Pop’s Cheese Enchiladas
I haven’t had the pleasure of yet trying KFC’s somewhat new heart-stopping sandwich, but everyone who I’ve asked has said it’s amazing. As for the cheese enchiladas, Stop-n-Pop may not know a whole lot about basketball as evidenced by his draft board that has John Wall fourth, but you can’t deny the man makes some damn fine enchiladas! Is anyone else hungry?
Homeless Guy #1 vs. Homeless Guy #2
Homeless Guy #1 seems to be passed out drunk in a park somewhere. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s just taking a little nap. Homeless Guy #2 appears to have been taken advantage of by Tiger Woods and is now homeless as a result. Is there anyone that Tiger won’t sleep with?
The Jolly Green Giant vs. Baked Man KG Fan
I have to start off by saying that’s not an actual picture of TWB forum poster Baked Man KG Fan, it’s a picture of rapper Raekwon. We don’t actually know what Baked Man looks like, so I just imagine he looks something like this. Baked Man is sort of an enigma. All we really know about him is:
1. He likes to get baked
2. He’s a man
3. He’s a KG fan
4. He’s a Wolves fan
5. He loves rap
Baked Man swoops into the forums late at night and drops some Wolves knowledge on us, usually while spitting out 16 bars in the process and telling us what songs he’s listening to at the time. His posts are the stuff of legend and it’s a rare treat to visit the forums and discover that Baked Man has made a post or two. He may be back in a week, a month, a year, or never. You just never know when the next time it will be that he sneaks in like a stoned ninja for one of his late night visits. Up against Baked Man KG Fan, is a legend in it’s own right: The Jolly Green Giant. All I gotta say is The Jolly Green Giant better watch his back, because Baked Man just might roll him up and smoke him.