Well, the 1st two rounds of the Mascot Challenge are in the books, and it’s time for the Sweet 16. We’ve seen some fierce battles in the competition so far and some real cinderella stories as well. I’m done trying to predict who will move on, because this tournament just keeps getting crazier. The Sweet 16 round features some great battles, make sure to vote for your favorite candidates. Our TWB draft lottery mascot representative could mean the difference between ending up with John Wall or Evan Turner as opposed to DeMarcus Cousins!
2nd round results can be found HERE
The Random Region
Wolverine vs. Fat Spiderman
Wolverine continued his dominant run in the 2nd round by downing that crazy looking pig monster. I have no idea how Fat Spiderman beat the awesome and sexy Japanese Softball Team. Did Fat Spiderman come to every one of your guys’ houses and threaten to kill your goldfish unless you voted for him or what? This is a real mystery to me. I guess the moral of the story is to never underestimate superheroes, even if they clearly need to go on Weight Watchers. They’ve both made it this far, but only one can advance. Spidey has made it this far, probably by grossing out the competition by flashing his manboobs, but he’s going to need to step his game up to take down Wolverine. Wolverine is one mean SOB that probably enjoys slicing up the good guys just as much as the bad guys and isn’t going to pity Spidey just because he gained some weight.
Joakim Noah’s Dance Moves vs. Baked Man KG Fan
JoNo’s Dance Moves are a real darkhorse in this tournament. He just keeps on dancing his way to the next round, getting past the KFC Double Down Sandwich and the Kool-Aid Man in a triple threat matchup in Round 2. That’s no small feat. Is there anyone in the world who doesn’t love Kool-Aid? I just had a Double Down the other day, and it’s even tastier than it looks. With that said, this matchup will be even tougher, going up against TWB’s own Baked Man KG Fan. Baked Man has been a force so far in this tourney. This isn’t even taking into consideration that Baked Man most likely hasn’t been voting for himself, because he’s probably stoned somewhere and has no idea he’s even been nominated into this tourney. Or maybe he toked up one of his ninja blunts and has been lurking on this tournament the whole time and stuffing the ballot boxes in his favor? Or maybe he’s been accidentally voting against himself because he can’t think clearly? We’ll probably never know the answers to these questions. Wherever you are Baked Man, keep doing what you do and light one of for your homies at TWB.
Please Click “Read More” to see vote for the rest of the Sweet 16 matchups…
TV/Movie Characters Region
MacGyver vs. Channel 4 News Team
It may seem impossible to beat someone with the skills of Macgyver, but don’t count out the Channel 4 News Team. If Macgyver does have a weakness, it’s most certainly beautiful women and mentally handicapped people. The Channel 4 News Team has both with Veronica Corningstone played by Christina Applegate and Brick Tamland played by Steve Carell. Their gameplan should be to distract Macgyver with Veronica’s good looks and Brick professing his love for lamps while Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, and Champ Kind flank Macgyver and tie him down with indestructible rope made from titanium nano thread. I can’t help but thinking that Macgyver will prevail using a paperclip and gum wrapper like he usually does. This should be a good battle.
Bert & Ernie vs. Chunk
Bert & Ernie are one of the real surprises so far in the tournament. Who would have thought that Team Bromance would make it this far? Up next for them, is Chunk from the Goonies. Chunk proved last round that hot women aren’t unbeatable as he took down Nadia from American Pie. It’s tough to say who will prevail in this matchup between the always funny Truffle Shuffle and the ultimate man-love.
The Athlete Region
Joe Mauer errr… Adrian Peterson I mean, Dwight Schrute vs. The ‘Toine
Do you think it’s a coincidence that The ‘Toine is trying to revive his career? Clearly he is trying to bank on his popularity from this Draft Lottery Mascot Challenge to resuscitate his dying “career.” Can the momentum from this contest carry over to the hardwood? He’s like 48 years old and weighs somewhere north of 381 pounds. I’m going to put my money on ‘no.’ Then again, if they were to pay him in burritos instead of money, it might be all the motivation he needs to succeed! Does the ever so shrewd and cunning Dwight Schrute have what it takes to get past ‘Toinie and into the Elite 8? I wouldn’t put it past him, although Dwight is about as athletic as Fat Albert in a decathalon.
Macho Man Randy Savage vs. the Marko/Adrianna Power Couple
This is the matchup of one of the closest winning margins (7% – Macho Man), vs. one of the largest winning margins (56% for married couple.) I’m not really sure what I can say here to help the Macho Man’s cause. Marko and Adrianna seem damn nigh unstoppable. And really, can you blame them? They appeal to all facets of the voting public. First, you’ve got Marko. He appeals to women aged 7 to 70, and all metrosexual males. And then you’ve got Adrianna, who appeals to men aged 10 to death. What demographics are they missing? Gay men won’t vote for Macho Man, so that doesn’t matter. And gay women will clearly vote for Adrianna. I guess they are missing the votes of the pre-pubescent males, but they are probably mostly incapable of even finding this blog, let alone voting in this contest. Probably a rout here. The ‘Toine would bet all his money on Marko and Adrianna to win, but he still owes a million bucks to some casino in Vegas. Poor guy. (Yet another reason to vote for him… the classic sympathy vote!)
The Celebrity Region
Mr. T vs. Taylor Swift
Both of these celebs won their previous matchups by idential 56% – 44% margins. I guess it’s only right that they are matched up against each other next in the bracket. And of course, you must factor in Taylor’s penchant for going and downing black men. (ZING) This is the third black man she’s faced against in this competition… can she do him too? (ZIIIING!) Personally, I think Taylor Swift is clearly a racist. She keeps beating black men. And she’s wearing a white dress. Lo and behold, she also just happens to have some very white teeth. I bet she even has a white toaster. Only you, the voters, can end this injustice.
Sean Connery vs. Natalie Kane
I don’t have much to say here, other than it’s a shame that one of these contestants has to go home empty-handed. In my non-expert opinion, I think both of them could have reached the Finals if the brackets worked out differently. Alas, it was not meant to be. So who moves on to the Elite 8? Minnesota’s own Natalie Kane, or the pride of Motherland England, Mr. Connery? If you love America, do the right thing here. If you don’t, well then I guess we know who you are voting for.