Here we are again. The ultimate statement game. The most satisfying moment of the season will either come tonight or it won’t.
The Lakers are coming off of two ridiculous losses to Detroit and Washington. They will be hungry for a win. The Lakers are in disarray, threatening to mutiny against head coach Mike Clown and his non-triangle offense. A few keys to the game:
Pek: Do your best to body Bynum. He is the x-factor. Do your thing in the post. Intimidate these chumps.
Love: Get a hand in Pau’s face on that mid-range. He isn’t going to do anything else except maybe pretend he can still hit that fadeaway shot in the post consistently and/or be generally annoying. Shoot well, and get the Laker’s bigs in foul trouble early.
Kobe: Please shoot 37+ times and alienate your teammates, especially Andrew Bynum in the 4th quarter.
Wes: Shoot well and dare the Lakers to extend their defense.
Malcolm Lee: Play a few minutes and become the next Jeremy Lin story.
Rubio: Get your first career dunk. Make it over Bynum, Derek Fisher, Matt Barnes, or Josh McRoberts
Corey Brewer: Demand to be traded back to Minnesota at some point. I know you don’t play for LA, but you are missed.
Matt Barnes: Go away.
Luke: Leave World Peace wide open and help on Kobe. Just don’t get within 3 feet of him or you will be whistled for a foul.
Darko: Defense. Nothing but open dunks. You could play a crucial role tonight. Accept this role and you could make another $20 million in your career.
D-Will: Be aggressive.
Beasley: Be cautiously aggressive.
Martell: Hit 3’s. Play smart.
Lord Adelman: Would love to see you get a technical tonight, if for any reason other than to get the fans even more on your side.
Mike Brown: Frustrate your self-entitled, epic fail of a team as much as possible.
Lastly, fans: HATE the Lakers. For once, please.