Fun with Free Agency?

Hahahahahahah Randy Foye wants the full MLE (or more???) He’s clearly delusional. Out of the league within 2 years. I don’t even have anything else to say (amazingly.)

Kahn is going to sign and trade Batum for 567 first round picks? I guess I wouldn’t doubt it. But the Frenchman has already said he doesn’t want to be in Portland. WHY WOULD YOU GIVE THEM ANYTHING KAHHHHHHHHHHMNNNNNNNNNNNN?  Call their bluff and walk away for Iggy.  Or just offer Batum the $50 milli (poppin bottles) and see what happens. IT IS NOT GODDAMN ROCKET SCIENCE YOU MORON.  Seriously Kahn, what have you done since you have been here besides take the most obvious trade in the world with the Wizards (for Rubio.) I would work for 1/10th of your 750K salary (lolollololollloolol) and still out perform you.

Anyways, I digress.

Rashard Lewis to the cHeat. Ray Ray too. Those bastards.

Dwight Howard to nobody (lolz.)

The Hornets got better from the draft but then got worse from the Jack trade. Combining Ryan Anderson with Anthony Davis and Grevious Vasqfjslfjewoifusdl = -67 wins.  Cool.  They win the first overall pick next year as well. Luckily for us, we landed SHVED. Suck it, Hornets losers.

The Lakers landed Nash, which doesn’t even matter because he’s on Bradley the Bear’s team and he only plays 27 minutes per game. He’ll probably play like 34 minutes per game next year thanks to Mike Clown, and his assists and ppg will be up, but the advanced stats nerds will tell you that he outshot relatitivety to the nth power at a 96% confidence interval and factoring in the rPer – .96WPG + SexyTime multipled by the WinsProduced + infinity loserdom = Lakers will not win a championship with Nash.

Moving on.

Duncan resigned. Yawn.

Well that didn’t take the Mavs long to reTOOL (hahaha I crack myself up.) They signed Chris Kaman (your mouth), and fleeced the Pacers for Darren Collison (Mahimini, really?!?) Those guys very admirably fill their gaping holes at C and PG. And they are rumored to be getting the just amnestied Elton Brand. Damnit, I thought they were gonna be a lottery team this year. Not fair times infinity.

Hey, we finally amnestied Darko. CWeat!  
/Dead to me.

What else happened in the West? Please feel free to enlighten me in the comments!  I like the Wolves chances to maybe (keyword) finish 8th next year, since Rubio wont return until 2013. But its ok because we have SHVED! (See link above.)

We are also going to sign and trade for Batum, and then sign Brandon Roy. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA Blazers fans you crazy-a$$ mofos. I can’t wait until 5 months from now when Lilliard and Meyers (wtf really???) are leading your team into the cellar at a 13-win pace winning percentage.  LMA will be out for the year with the “fuckthisshitsyndrome” and you guys will have a stellar lottery pick next year in a totally NOT loaded draft!  


And if you get really bored, make sure to check out the TWolves Blog Forums, where all the magic happens…

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