From The Onion: Timberwolves Beat Writer Running Out Of Ways To Say ‘Defeated By’
Rob Brittson, a Twin Cities sportswriter assigned to the Timberwolves
beat, has had his stock of defeat-oriented phrases almost exhausted by
Minnesota recording the NBA’s second-worst record, Brittson told his
fellow reporters Wednesday. "Well, Nets 92, T-Wolves 88—there goes
‘Hunted To Extinction,’" said Brittson, crossing the phrase off a list
that once included "Roadkill," "Defanged," "Wolf’s Bane," and even
"Pelted!" before the dismal season began to take its toll…
beat, has had his stock of defeat-oriented phrases almost exhausted by
Minnesota recording the NBA’s second-worst record, Brittson told his
fellow reporters Wednesday. "Well, Nets 92, T-Wolves 88—there goes
‘Hunted To Extinction,’" said Brittson, crossing the phrase off a list
that once included "Roadkill," "Defanged," "Wolf’s Bane," and even
"Pelted!" before the dismal season began to take its toll…
Stephen Litel/Hoopsworld asked some of the Wolves who aside from Gerald Green they thought could win the Slam Dunk contest:
"Well, since I can’t pick Gerald, I’m going to have to go with Rudy Gay," said Jefferson. "Dwight Howard doesn’t have a chance to win it because, regardless of what he does, he’s still 6-11. He could jump over the backboard and he’s still not going to win."
Green has promised some special stuff, and after watching him put
together some absurd dunks in Minnesota’s practice facility with the
help of Rashad McCants and others, it’s hard to imagine Green not
executing at least one crazy dunk.
together some absurd dunks in Minnesota’s practice facility with the
help of Rashad McCants and others, it’s hard to imagine Green not
executing at least one crazy dunk.
Example A: Last week, Mr. Green converted the most difficult and
ridiculous dunk this pair of eyes has ever seen. First, he lined up on
the baseline at the 3-point line. After surveying the ceiling, Green
threw the ball off a column at least 40 feet in the air, sprinted to
the middle of the floor as the ball bounced off diagonally, rose into
the air, caught the ball with one hand and drove it through the hoop.
Absolutely amazing.
ridiculous dunk this pair of eyes has ever seen. First, he lined up on
the baseline at the 3-point line. After surveying the ceiling, Green
threw the ball off a column at least 40 feet in the air, sprinted to
the middle of the floor as the ball bounced off diagonally, rose into
the air, caught the ball with one hand and drove it through the hoop.
Absolutely amazing.
The signs of progress came from nowhere after a what appeared to be a
hopeless 5-34 start. Now, just as quickly, the young Timberwolves are
back in the tank. They have lost five in a row heading into the
All-Star break, the latest a 25-point thumping at the hands of the Los
Angeles Lakers that showed just how much work is yet to be done.
hopeless 5-34 start. Now, just as quickly, the young Timberwolves are
back in the tank. They have lost five in a row heading into the
All-Star break, the latest a 25-point thumping at the hands of the Los
Angeles Lakers that showed just how much work is yet to be done.
"Try to forget the last couple games," guard Marko Jaric said when
asked about what he planned on doing during with his time off. "Try to
reset our minds. Try to comeback and win, simply."
asked about what he planned on doing during with his time off. "Try to
reset our minds. Try to comeback and win, simply."
"Each year it seems to get longer and longer (until the All-Star
Break). They call it the halfway point but we’re almost 60 percent
through… The break will do us good. It comes at a good time for us.
We just need to get that spark back after this break. We didn’t have
the belief that we could win this game tonight."
Break). They call it the halfway point but we’re almost 60 percent
through… The break will do us good. It comes at a good time for us.
We just need to get that spark back after this break. We didn’t have
the belief that we could win this game tonight."