David Kahn is quickly becoming a household name after the flurry of moves he’s made in the past year. It seems the general consensus among non-Wolves fans and the media is that he is a bumbling idiot who is quickly on his way to challenging Isaiah Thomas for the title of “Worst GM of the Millenium”. While he initially caught some flak for drafting Rubio and Flynn back-to-back, this summer he’s really started smacking the hornets nest with a stick with the way he’s drafted, traded, and signed free-agents.
Whether these accusations are valid or simply the product of a mis-informed national media that doesn’t pay close enough to the Timberwolves to make a fair assessment is an argument for another day. Today we’re focusing on the fact that we are smack dab in the middle of David Kahn’s 15 minutes of fame. After the moves he’s pulled this summer – drafting 4 small forwards, signing the Darko Milicic, and trading his team’s best player for essentially nothing – I think it’s safe to say that David Kahn’s notoriety will never be greater than it is this summer. So like the saavvy trader he is, the Kahn Man is going to take this opportunity to expand his brand.
Everyone knows that in today’s world, you need to be more than just one thing. It’s not enough to be just an actor, or a musician, or an athlete, or an NBA GM. You have to crossover. You have to play the lead in this summer’s blockbuster AND record a platinum album. You haven’t arrived until you’ve EGOT’ed.
So with that in mind, our very own Mr. Kahn has collaborated with rapper, T-Pain, to produce some of the phattest rhymes the Land of 10,000 Lakes has ever seen!
I’m in Love with a stripper Euro
(Cuz I’m in luv wit a Euro)
he poppin, he pick’n, he rollin
he gaining the fame and
(I’m in luv wit a Euro)
he dribblin, he playin, he playin
He’s not leaving Spain, he’s stayin
I Can’t Believe It I Signed Darko
Darko make me feel so good
Better than I would by myself
Or if I gave a contract to somebody else
He make me say yeeeaaahhh yeaaaaahhh
I can put you in a log cabin
Somewhere north of Hennepin
I Ain’t trickin if u comin,
what kinda money are ya askin for
Put you in a mansion
Just west of Wisconsin
Like I said ain’t nothin to the KAHN
We could make another trade, whats happenin
Cause you look so goooood.
Tell me Darko, you wanna work here
I put you on the front page of the Wolves magazine
Just dont get hurt here
Dave Lee I brought you over just to have a conversation
I really think you need a change of situation
Lets talk about yooouuuu, and meeeeee
oh I cant believe it
Bill Simmons all on me
Dave Lee denyin me
oh man I thought he wanted me
And now he left me lonely nawwwww
Luke Ridnour, u look so gooooood
Make me wanna spend it all on ya
Get out of Milwaukee, come slide with the KAHN
We can do what ya wanna yeeaaaahhh
Chopped Kahned and Screwed
Have you ever been in the conference room
Of your favorite basketball club (club club)
And you got a free agent with you
Talking your team up
Making you feel like he so in love (love love)
Now you done grabbed you a couple a pens
And you feeling like it’s about time to sign up (up up)
And you said Nikola what’s really up
And he tears up your contract
And he said it’ll be 9 million bucks
Now you’ve officially been kahned and screwed
screw-screwed
kahn-kahned
and screwed
You’ve officially been
swap-swapped
and screwed
and ewed-ewed
kahned
screwed-screwed (Peko-Peko)
You’ve officially been kahned and screwed
Special Thanks to Bonk and Roundhouse for their lyrical contributions and Flash for his photoshop skills.